Here we go again

Back on Xanax. 

Saphira

Feeling terrible as I mark their work. Not just because marking is very entertaining, but also because every name that I come across reminds me of every child that I've let down in my class. Those children put their trust in me. And here I've gone and done something so selfish and childish. Life is hard, I should get used to it. Why did I think I deserved having a second chance. 

The monsters at night.

Today I woke up slightly traumatized.  I dreamt I was being injected with stuff to put me to sleep as they were going to cut off my arms and legs. My arms were tied behind me and my legs too. And they were going to cut them off. And I remember them showing me a picture of how they would do it to a dog and that's how they were going to do me. 

And they kept screwing up cause I wouldn't go to sleep.  

Oh man. My dreams. 

Quote of the day

Gasp

Sometimes when I am doing something mundane , I suddenly remember what I've done. And my throat closes up and I remember that every happy day I have in my marriage is on borrowed time. 

 I hate who I see in the mirror. 

It's hard to breathe.  

My head beats like a drum

What a dramatic few days. Rushing to see my MP.  Seeing the school leaders. Meeting after meeting. 

And finally , negotiating my work plan. 

However.  My. Head. Hurts. 

Boom. Boom. Boom. 

  

Woe is me

‎So apparently if anything happens in class, i'm mentally ill.

But not mentally ill enough to waive a bond. 

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, life.