Past two nights were so bad.
I can hear the pounding in my chest.
Lub dub Lub dub Lub dub.
It echoes through my brain my eyes.
My fingers tingle from the blood flow.
My body breaks out in cold sweat. The aircon is too cold. The blanket is too hot.
I slept maybe an hour and a half in total. Even with drowsy meds.
And the day isn't any different. My face is flushed and warm to touch.
What's happening to me
Feeling terrible as I mark their work. Not just because marking is very entertaining, but also because every name that I come across reminds me of every child that I've let down in my class. Those children put their trust in me. And here I've gone and done something so selfish and childish. Life is hard, I should get used to it. Why did I think I deserved having a second chance.
Today I woke up slightly traumatized. I dreamt I was being injected with stuff to put me to sleep as they were going to cut off my arms and legs. My arms were tied behind me and my legs too. And they were going to cut them off. And I remember them showing me a picture of how they would do it to a dog and that's how they were going to do me.
And they kept screwing up cause I wouldn't go to sleep.
Oh man. My dreams.
