There is a pounding in my chest. My heart beats fast and sometimes I catch myself holding my breath.
Sometimes all this becomes too overwhelming.
When I look back at the past year.
all the mistakes i made. All the hurt i caused. I can't face it. I can hardly look at my empty shell of a life and not feel like puking.
I thought the depression and the mania was the worst part. But is not. Now is the worst part.
The moment when you open your eyes and see all the damage that you caused. Nothing left to do now but to pick up the broken pieces and try the very best to hold them together.
I feel like there is hand grasping my heart, my chest. I am anxious. Fearful. Thoughts of what happened flash through my mind and the grip gets tighter.
I can't believe this happened to me.
I can't believe i did all this.
I can't believe the monster is me.
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