already felt weird-ish in the car.
More drama came at home. The mixed feeling. Almost struggling to be sane. To do the right and reasonable thing.
But i couldn't handle it. I just couldn't . And I ran.
Like a drunkard, I stumbled on and on. Zig zagging through paths, void decks, roads. My head hurt so much. I was so confused and filled with such a deep feeling of frustration, anger and hopelessness. I could feel myself dripping with sweat. But i couldn't stop. there were so many thoughts in my head and I just knew that if i stopped, I would be overwhelmed. As long as I didn't stop, i would be okay.
So i ran on, and on and on. And so did the thoughts.
He's better off without me. If i were gone, he'd still have the house and everything I owed him, I would make right my wrongs.
What can possibly happen with me but more hurt. I should end it.
I am a terrible person. I should end it.
The pain in my head will finally stop. I should end it.
I should just end it.
Things will only be alright if i end it.
And then I saw a mama shop.
A knife, thats what i need. A knife.
But, mama shops don't sell knives and where would I stab it? my stomach? I couldn't possibly stab my heart, my rib cage would be in the way.
and so i ran on. and so did my thoughts.
I went through park connectors, under MRT tracks, past stadiums, across roads and who knows where else. All i knew was that if i stopped, my past and all my sins would catch up with me and so I couldn't stop.
But, i finally did, with blistered and bloody feet.
And now, all I am left with is my shame.
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