But i also haven't felt amazing either.
There used to be a time when i felt absolutely awesome about myself and my ability. I knew i was good and I knew that people admired me for it. I knew that wherever i went, people would follow.
I knew that i was excelling at whatever i did.
Everything I touched, would turn to gold.
and now, I'm not so sure.
I fell like there is a box on what i can feel nowadays.
I can't go very low. But i haven't felt high either. And i miss it.
I miss feeling just so fucking awesome.
Makes me consider not taking my medication.
Maybe then i'll get to taste what it was like again.
Maybe then i'll get to taste what it was like again.
And that makes me think…maybe i wasn't so awesome after all.
Maybe that was all my illness.
Who am i then? if you were to take my illness away, who am i really?
was everything I ever thought i was just the result of a chemical imbalance in my head?
How can something that makes me want to live, be the thing that kills me?
And with that, i take my pills every night. Night after night. With every pill i pop, I feel like I'm killing the girl in my head a little bit more.
And i miss her.
just musings on a Wednesday morning.
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